I Am Afraid, But I Am Not

Let me start by saying that music is a drug to me. I can zone out for hours and forget about my own existence when I put my headphones on. In fact, when I was in college, I was known for my headphones because they were, and still are, with me 95% of the time. When I listen to music, it puts me in a particular zone of being fearless. I am not afraid to sing off key,I am not afraid to show emotion, and I am not afraid to just be. For whatever reason, music helps to alleviate my pain, enjoy the moment, think and dream.

One of my favorite inspirations is the lovely and talented Ms. Jill Scott. Her words and delivery just do something for me. Her delivery is so powerful and nurturing even through words that deliver tough love in a world full of harsh realities. What really makes me love her most is her ability to let her guard down and show just how vulnerable she, even as this powerful black woman, can be.

I am not afraid, she sings. It is a song that gets daily play on my iPhone. Though the song speaks of her love for a man, to me it breaths life into my existence. I wish I could be everything in that song, but I am working towards it. Many moons ago, I was that song. I was not afraid to take off my mask, come to the front of life's platform and just be me. All of a sudden, one day, someone that I loved and trusted made me feel as though I had nothing to say. So, I sat down and never really got back up. That was my biggest mistake. My confidence waned and I stopped sharing. I felt defeated and depleted of everything I'd ever worked towards.

That's not me anymore. I am afraid, but I am not. Now, I realize that this makes absolutely no sense to the average bear. However, I am not your average bear. We are all afraid of something, but even through our fear we are able to channel a certain energy and push through it. So yes, I am afraid to take that first step, but I am not afraid of where that first step will take me. It may never take me to great financial wealth, but it will take me far away from my comfort zone. Everyone has a voice that deserves to be heard. After all these years, I finally remembered that mine is one of them.